Nothing Really Matters

I’m so lost

It’s as if everything in my life isn’t really happening to me. I’m watching this person’s life unfolding from a disconnected, separated place.

When my brain takes me to thoughts of sadness, they’re not my thoughts.

When my brain takes me to thoughts of harm, they’re not my thoughts.

When my brain takes me to thoughts of death…of suicide, they’re not…my thoughts.

Life seems like an extremely abstract concept. Everyone coming and going. Everyone happening. Everything happening. Is there a point to any of it?

Why is death such a negative aspect of life? For thousands of years, humans have stayed alive by fearing death. But it is inevitable. What difference does it make to die now, as opposed to 10 years from now, 50 years from now. Why do we fear a finality that must happen…

The movie Titanic puts my loss of empathy for life into brilliant words: “Waiting for an absolution…that will never come.” As in, waiting for a point to life, that will never come, because there isn’t an answer. There is, literally, no point to life.

So, like I said at the start, I’m lost. Lost in a world that seems to blunder about, doing things that in years to come, will be pointless, and matter absolutely nothing, to anyone.

Nothing matters.