Paranoia

Over the past couple weeks, my paranoia became a big part of my life again.

Two weeks ago, my former best friend and I rekindled our dying friendship. We’re now good friends again.

And that’s where Sir Paranoia comes into full-blown, bloody action. Every time I talk to this friend, my mind plays tricks on me. My paranoia makes me believe that every action she does, and every action I do, means she hates me, or is bored by me. I constantly worry that when she looks sad, it’s because of me. I am always afraid…

I talked to my counselor about this (I think I’m going to make a separate post all about my counselor – strictly confidential of course – because she is the most wonderful person on the planet)and she helped me realise that I should try and face my paranoia head on, by talking to the friend about my struggle. That seemed like the hardest thing in the world to me at the time, but I said I’d try. And try I did. In the end it wasn’t even that difficult. I told my friend that I was constantly worrying that I wasn’t a good enough friend, and that she disliked me; she reassured me that of course she didn’t hate me, and that I was a perfectly fine friend. I also told her that I would probably need to constantly ask her these same questions, because what I feel now will be nothing like what I feel in 2 weeks.

That’s factually true, because even in the day since both those talks, I’ve begun to doubt myself again. It’s a vicious cycle.

So I guess the reason I’m telling you this is to ask a question: do you have any ways of dealing with social paranoia? If so PLEASE let me know.

Also, I just designed a new logo design profile picture thingy for my site. I’d love to know your thoughts on it – if you don’t think it’s very good TELL ME NOW and don’t worry…I won’t be offended. Remember, I doubt everything I do anyway.

As always,

❤