Paranoia

Over the past couple weeks, my paranoia became a big part of my life again.

Two weeks ago, my former best friend and I rekindled our dying friendship. We’re now good friends again.

And that’s where Sir Paranoia comes into full-blown, bloody action. Every time I talk to this friend, my mind plays tricks on me. My paranoia makes me believe that every action she does, and every action I do, means she hates me, or is bored by me. I constantly worry that when she looks sad, it’s because of me. I am always afraid…

I talked to my counselor about this (I think I’m going to make a separate post all about my counselor – strictly confidential of course – because she is the most wonderful person on the planet)and she helped me realise that I should try and face my paranoia head on, by talking to the friend about my struggle. That seemed like the hardest thing in the world to me at the time, but I said I’d try. And try I did. In the end it wasn’t even that difficult. I told my friend that I was constantly worrying that I wasn’t a good enough friend, and that she disliked me; she reassured me that of course she didn’t hate me, and that I was a perfectly fine friend. I also told her that I would probably need to constantly ask her these same questions, because what I feel now will be nothing like what I feel in 2 weeks.

That’s factually true, because even in the day since both those talks, I’ve begun to doubt myself again. It’s a vicious cycle.

So I guess the reason I’m telling you this is to ask a question: do you have any ways of dealing with social paranoia? If so PLEASE let me know.

Also, I just designed a new logo design profile picture thingy for my site. I’d love to know your thoughts on it – if you don’t think it’s very good TELL ME NOW and don’t worry…I won’t be offended. Remember, I doubt everything I do anyway.

As always,

Published by Harry

The shy, anxious guy in the corner

17 thoughts on “Paranoia

  1. As a person who has had social anxiety since she was a toddler, I can confidently say the biggest transformation for me came when i stopped looking for validation in others that i was good. When I was able to start to appreciate myself and be confident in myself and gather little slices of self esteem, the anxiety lessened. It’s still there, very heavily. But I am able to better confront it now. Here’s to hoping you find your own way.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Sometimes it only takes the smallest thing for you to completely lose your mind. For example, I saw your new avatar which I could swear was a picture of you at one time and now it turned into some kind of geometric pattern with a leaf and an unusual font. I’m probably hallucinating due to a malignant brain tumor and I’m going to die in twelve minutes. TWELVE MINUTES!

    Or am I just being paranoid? By the way you’re too young to know this but Paranoid is a killer album by Black Sabbath. And yes its available as an mp3.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I’ve a different kind of trust issues so can’t help you sadly =(

    As much as I love the prof pic, I don’t think it truly defines you. You’re not just “anxious” and “shy”. You’re more than that. Perhaps a passionate soul.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hmm…I see what you mean. Do you have any suggestions? Because I don’t know if I like just having my picture there. Maybe just a design without words, would that work?

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Create your website with WordPress.com
Get started
%d bloggers like this: