I’m ever so sorry for not posting on Friday. I’m actually really irritated at myself for messing up my schedule; however, I didn’t want to mess it up even more by posting yesterday, so if you were wondering, that’s why it’s been 4 days. I’ve missed you all!
Ok, let’s get back to business then. This post is going to be about my consistent mindset of giving up, and how I try to tackle that mentality.
The main avenues I tend to give up in are my friendships and my studies.
Because ‘friends’ is such a hard concept for me to work around and understand, I guess it’s unsurprising that I give up easily. By ‘give up’, I mean that I stop trying to think of things to say, don’t go out if I’m invited, and just generally am a bad friend. I’m happy to report that currently I am not feeling those feelings, and part of the reason I didn’t post on Friday (I’m not trying to give excuses hehe)was that I went out for the first time in months, with friends at least.
My ‘give up’ attitude relating to schoolwork is slightly different. You see, for the past however many years of school, I was always looked at by my peers as a top top grade student, and I guess I was in a way. I don’t mean that with any cockiness – to be honest, I don’t think it really meant anything, and I still don’t. The difference now however, is that I am no longer a top achieving student. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a bad student, I still do pretty well – I’m currently working at an ABB in my A-Levels, which for my largely US-based audience, is I think between 3.5 and 4 (if anyone knows it more accurately, correct me). The things is, I still feel this expectation from my classmates to get an A* in every exam I do. Maybe I’m reverting to my paranoia, and in actual fact, no one cares. Which would be a relief to hear. Anyway, this pressure often makes me study less, because I know I’m not prepared to put in enough work to get the very best grades, so I don’t work very hard at all – currently, I only study between 10-13 hours a week outside of school.
Hopefully that mentality will change soon. Maybe after Christmas, it will hit me that I only have around 4-5 months until I take 8 exams that alter my life course. Until then, I’m in limbo.
I noticed that no one mentioned wanting to hear about my life story etc after my inquisition in my last post. I’m curious if that’s because you don’t think it’s a good fit my blog, or you just didn’t see that particular post? Please give me a heads up, and maybe I can sort out that post for you.