This post is going to show a negative aspect of my character. I’m not very proud of myself for feeling these emotions, but I like to be real and honest, and writing all this done is good for me.
So, attention. I love attention. No, I hate attention. No, I love it.
I think I love the IDEA of attention. The idea of having something happen to me that makes other people look at me and feel an emotion. The most common play through in my head is either: I run back into a burning building and save someone (and the person I save is usually my crush, so since I don’t have once right now, the person is a shadowy figure), OR something bad happens to my, eg I die, or get severely injured, and everyone cries or feels bad for me.
Yeah…quite egotistical. Quite un-humble. Quite dirty.
But the thing is, when things actually have happened to me, and people have paid attention to me, I’ve always been very awkward and not reacted how I always feel like I would in my fantasies. I guess that’s my shy/awkward side coming out. Which also creates a reason why I think up these fantasies in the first place – I’m fucking (I apologise for the swear word)lonely, a lot of the time. So imagining a world where I’m not lonely is imagining a happier world.
So is it really a bad quality? I don’t know. I’ll let you decide!