My Desire for, and Fear of, Attention

This post is going to show a negative aspect of my character. I’m not very proud of myself for feeling these emotions, but I like to be real and honest, and writing all this done is good for me.

So, attention. I love attention. No, I hate attention. No, I love it.

I think I love the IDEA of attention. The idea of having something happen to me that makes other people look at me and feel an emotion. The most common play through in my head is either: I run back into a burning building and save someone (and the person I save is usually my crush, so since I don’t have once right now, the person is a shadowy figure), OR something bad happens to my, eg I die, or get severely injured, and everyone cries or feels bad for me.

Yeah…quite egotistical. Quite un-humble. Quite dirty.

But the thing is, when things actually have happened to me, and people have paid attention to me, I’ve always been very awkward and not reacted how I always feel like I would in my fantasies. I guess that’s my shy/awkward side coming out. Which also creates a reason why I think up these fantasies in the first place – I’m fucking (I apologise for the swear word)lonely, a lot of the time. So imagining a world where I’m not lonely is imagining a happier world.

So is it really a bad quality? I don’t know. I’ll let you decide!

Published by Harry

The shy, anxious guy in the corner

9 thoughts on “My Desire for, and Fear of, Attention

  1. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with liking attention and wanting attention. So please don’t think there’s something wrong with that. Humility has nothing to do with attention.

    As for your shyness/awkwardness, I wouldn’t worry so much about that. It’s character. We all are a character. Some are outwardly vibrant, some are soft and shy.

    If you’re lonely, this is a great place to be. There’s a ton of friendly people here. Another good place to go, especially if you’re shy, is the library. It sounds counter-intuitive… but the library is usually where quiet/shy/awkward people unite!

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Theres very little in the world inherently wrong or right. It’s how it’s used that makes it good or bad. The need for attention is a human need. Fear is normal too.

    Love, light and glitter

    Liked by 2 people

  3. the ladies have said it well above … what you are feeling and fantasising is very ‘normal’ … library, blog and also volunteering if you have time. I’ve made great friends with common interests this way … and thinking of others helps overcome shyness 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  4. From A New Earth’ by Eckhart Tolle: “A shy person who is afraid of the attention of others is not free of ego, but has an ambivalent ego that both wants and fears attention from others. The fear is that the attention may take the form of disapproval or criticism, that is to say, something that diminishes the sense of self rather than enhances it. So the shy person’s fear of attention is greater than his or her need of attention. Shyness often goes with a self concept that is predominantly negative, the belief of being inadequate.”

    Liked by 1 person

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