A State of Mind

I don’t know if I’ve written about this before, but even if I have I’m doing it again because its such a prominent thing for me at the moment.

I don’t give a fuck. About anything. I don’t care about my grades, I don’t care about my health, I don’t care about my cutting.

I don’t know if my studying has gone downhill because I’m in my final year of school and everything is so much harder, and I burnt out or something, or if I just realised that it doesn’t matter. Because grades honestly don’t matter. Sure, if you get better grades, you have more chance of going to university, so more qualifications, so a bigger chance of getting higher paying jobs – but if money doesn’t matter, which to me it really doesn’t, then really getting good grades is pointless.

As to my health and cutting, they’re closely connected I think. I no longer try as hard to maintain a balanced diet or exercise, because I don’t see the point. Life is short, and shorter for some than others.

I just feel…meh.

There’s no other word to describe it.

Anyway, very jolly post😊. If you want, you can check out my YT channel, which I actually do care about, and am enjoying:


As always.


Published by Harry

The shy, anxious guy in the corner

13 thoughts on “A State of Mind

  1. Sounds like a low mood, when everything is … meh. Sometimes not caring for a while can be not the worst thing to do. Try to do what you can in the moment. I’m sure your grades will be good. You also don’t need to care about money and stuff but when you keep your options open you can realize some great things, doesn’t have to be the money, can be something for your co-worker or mother earth. At some point all will fall into place.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Don’t worry about having a low moment, even the murky weather can make us feel horrible. I hope you find a way through the dark patch and looking after yourself is important, your mind and body, but grades are honestly not the most important thing in the world….though your teachers might gasp to hear anyone say that!🙄
    Of course it’s good to try your best and get as high grades as you can, but the reality is that these days grades aren’t the be all and end all. You can get well paid jobs without degrees (depends on what area you want to work in) and it is possible to get trained while working or get qualifications later in life. Why not try focusing on what you do want to do in life, or at least find what you feel passionate about and try focusing some energy on that (like your YouTube channel if that makes you feel good) to stop yourself doing any self destructive behaviour and thoughts. 😊❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Wait a moment there. Studying isn’t for money or for a job. It’s for a feeling of achievement, of success. If you look at these thing to get a martriliastic result, you wont be really happy. There is spirituality in those seemingly pointless things.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. There was a really good book called “How Emotions are Made, The Secret Life of the Brain” -Lisa Feldman Barrett, but instead of giving advice I’ll give you the truth, I feel that way at times and I’m not depressive, it’s the truth behind being a student when your values are not well aligned with your to-do list anymore, it’s the truth behind being human, needing sleep and breaks, yet having too much work/studies to logically get enough, it has a name in Lisa’s book; it’s called “a low body-budget.” When your combined mental/physical/emotional energy is less than all the things you are doing it’s inevitable to feel incapable of caring because at times it’s a real phenomenon of being in that moment incapable of mustering the energy it takes to do so. I’d be interested to see if you agree if you have time to read that book, it’s kind of a complicated read, yet interesting enough to make it worth pushing through the neuroscience.

    I applaud your honesty! I think we have all been there in the “can’t even” camp if we are brave enough to admit it! 👏

    Liked by 1 person

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