Late Night Thoughts

My mind sometimes really hates me. The time when I notice it most is when I’m lying in bed, waiting to fall asleep. I’ll be lying there, staring up into the almost blackness, and my thoughts run wild.

Sometimes, if I’m going through a rough patch, sadness and hurt will be the main thoughts swirling around. The number of times I’ve felt tears roll down my cheeks, wishing more than anything to fall asleep so I don’t have to think about how absolutely lost I feel in the world. How insignificant, how putrid, how irrelevant I make myself become in those dreaded hours of the night. The problem is, the more I try to not think bad thoughts, the more they invade my head, and the longer it takes to get to sleep, and the worse I sleep, and the worse I feel the next day. It’s a vicious cycle.

However, recently sadness has not been the main problem, thank goodness. Anxiety, although still aggravatingly powerful, is more bearable. But that doesn’t mean I like it. No way. My anxiety late at night spawns from absolutely nothing most of the time. Sometimes it’s something I’ve said, that I suddenly think might have been taken the wrong way by the person I was talking to. Sometimes, I randomly remember something very awkward that happened to me (believe me, there are too many of those to count), or mistakes I’ve made that I wish I could make right. Occasionally, even unfinished work sets it off. All these compound to make my nights hell. Actually, that’s not fair. This doesn’t happen every night. But when it does, it messes up my sleep, and it messes up my mental health.

I don’t know if this is a common thing that happens to loads of people, or if I’m just unusually unusual, but it definitely helps to write about!

Published by Harry

The shy, anxious guy in the corner

3 thoughts on “Late Night Thoughts

  1. I am right there with you with the inability to sleep and having racing thoughts keeping me up… I remember the dumbest things from like 8 years ago that happened and I still feel so embarrassed that I lie awake reliving it in my mind.

    Liked by 1 person

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